Canada 2008 – A Comedy of ‘Erorrs’!
Back before travel was accessible to every Tom, Dick and Harry, the person that made the gallant effort to travel overseas (hereon referred to as OS) was looked upon with jealously mixed with adoration.
Nowadays parents make the brave decision to travel to faraway destinations with small ones in tow, believing that some mysterious and ridiculous inner strength with pull them through and fully convinced themselves that it will still be a holiday.
On January the 14th 2008 Loretta and Danny headed to Whistler Canada believing just that! Their story begins here….
As with any impending disaster, there are always the signs that we mere mortals ignore. Ours was our transfer arriving on time but unaware that we had skis to transport as well as the usual truck load of luggage. It is here I would like to point out the following…it was written on the confirmation letter!!!
We headed to the airport with the usual holiday euphoria and met with out travelling companions for this leg of the journey, my sister in law Connie, her husband Tim and their children Sarah (10) and Finlay (6).
Earlier that month Connie had mentioned a dream she had where there was a stuff up with my requested seat and Connies dreams were about to come true. The Qantas check in assistant (I mention Qantas as I want everyone to know who is responsible for the following) advised me that my bassinette for Zeke was not confirmed (I had actually confirmed it twice over the phone). Connie and I looked at each other in disbelief as the assistant scrambled to rectify the situation which thankfully she did.
We finally boarded the plane and settled into our seats when the captain made the announcement that there would be a slight delay…that slight delay turned into two and a half hours which included some sort of paper work and a man removing himself from the plane due to chest pains (I think is was more likely that it was angina from over indulgence in the departure lounge). The search for his luggage alone took around one and half hours!
The flight to Los Angeles was relatively uneventful but it was clear that we weren’t going to meet our connection. Upon arrival we dashed around LAX, being harassed by security and customs and were an expletive away from a cavity search at any given moment. Lots of staff work there who left school in Year 5 and were trying to make up for it by wearing cheap uniforms and telling weary passengers to bend over and take it because you are in the good ole USA now sweetheart. We just wanted to try and make it to our new flight on Air Canada. Qantas ever so kindly gave us $120.00 worth of food vouchers as compensation, but stupidly only seven minutes to spend it! We loaded up on Starbucks and $40 worth of pre made sandwiches which we didn’t get a chance to eat and then had to be dumped at Canadian Customs.
Our transfer met us on time which was a bonus but the driver took us on a crazy ride to Whistler and had to be told to ‘slow the hell down’ as several of us had wet ourselves with his frenzied driving manner!
The next week proceeded fairly uneventfully and the skiing was pure heaven. Powder, long challenging runs and bourbon filled hot tubs. The kids went to the pool every night and Danny’s mums cooking filled the corridors of the hotel with delightful home cooking smells.
Later in the week (Friday) our friends Brad and Kristy arrived with their baby girl Ava. Within 24 hours all three of them were exploding from all orifices at a destination several kilometres away from where they had expected to be staying.
Monday of the second week we all went on a 2hr Skidoo ride which was a tad cold for Jade who cried through the whole thing and had red frozen feet by the time we got home, but great fun regardless…Note to self: heated blankets in skidoo bucket not as warm as advertised!!!
Finally on the Tuesday Brad and Kristy were well enough for a visit. I offered to baby sit for them the following evening and said they might as well sleep over as well. The next day Danny and Brad took off for their first day skiing together and Kristy popped around to my apartment. Another comedy of errors was about to begin.
To start with I was very, very premenstrual. I was tired because Zeke had gone back to waking every two hours through out the night and my apartment with everyone in it became a bit over whelming. Soon it was time for Ava to have a nap so Kristy and I put her in my hire stroller. Ava was on her second bottle of milk when she turned into Linda Blair and threw it all back up over my hire stroller. It dripped through the seat into the basket and onto the carpet!
We madly attempted to start cleaning and I was working up a sweat trying to get the stroller apart so I could wash it. I called the hire company thinking that they must obviously have this happen all the time and that hopefully they would take care of it and bring me a new stroller. Well in their words, ‘I don’t know what to do we have never had this happen before’. Well I told them if they wanted me to clean it I was going to have to cut a part of it to get it off. They didn’t seem to object to that comment so that is exactly what I did! Soon everything was washed and clean and the drama appeared to be over….Jade slept thought the whole thing. That should have been my next warning sign.
Brad and Danny returned worn out from a days skiing and changed and took Kristy into the village for dinner. I stayed home with Jade, Zeke and Ava.
When they returned Brad and Kristy decided to head back to their hotel for the night. Danny and I tucked into bed and were peacefully sleeping when at about 2am we heard noises from the lounge room and cries of ‘Sorry mummy I couldn’t stop it’. We rushed out to find Jade, her bed, the floor all covered in Nonna’s ravioli courtesy of Jades big SPEW! I couldn’t believe it. Hoping that it was a once off we cleaned her up, called room service for another cot (they brought us a luggage trolley FOR CHRISTS SAKE things definitely get lost in translation over there!) and then went back to bed.
It wasn’t long before we were met with cries from the lounge room again. Zeke woke in fright, Jade was covered in vomit and crying again, Danny and I were rushing around trying to sort it all out and it was out of control. This time I decided to spend the rest of the night with her and became quite skilled at waking and catching spew. Her last spew was at 6.30 in the morning and I missed that one, it ended up all over the fire place.
Brad turned up and I soldiered on and went out for a ski despite feeling like a zombie with dead legs, I had a great morning and piddled myself laughing at some of Brads exploits with lazy snowboarders. Brad and Danny believe that if a Snowboarder isn’t making an effort to stand up and get moving then they deserve a big spray of snow in the face.
I convinced Brad to come to the Crystal Hut with me and eat waffles (I was told they were awesome…..they weren’t). Brad laughed as we were leaving and I said ‘What!’ He said I was just thinking if you get sick what a rainbow of spew that will be…..JINXED~!!!
Shortly after as I made my way up the Whistler Gondola I started looking for holes on the floor that I could discreetly spew down. By the time I started to lose feeling in my legs, resulting in an un-ladylike fall on the Peak to Creek run, I knew I was in trouble. I summoned all my bourbon reinforced stomach muscles to the fore to help me eat a little lunch but it was all to no avail, I was back on the bus headed for home as I knew trying to ski back would end it for me.
Well I was wrecked and after three nice healthy chucks that had me gasping for air, AF turning up in full force and my bowel emptying itself voluntarily, I retired to the lounge room to spend the night with a recovering Jade.
The next day, after a bit of a sleep in, I started to feel a bit better, when news reached me that Connie was next. She fainted and was driving the porcelain bus to Chucksville. This just all happened to coincide with the day we had to all move to the three bedroom apartment for our last two nights.
At lunch I took Jade to go skiing with Danny, he looked green but assured me he was fine…NOT TRUE.
Danny spent the afternoon trying to encourage Jade while sneaking a spew behind the odd pine tree, and then didn’t quite make it to the toilet when the diarrhoea started. A Blackcomb mountain garbage bin is now the proud owner of one of Danny’s stained undies! Danny staggered back around 3.30pm and I got the washing machine going..EEEWWW! I have a lot of respect for Danny’s iron will as he didn’t let the bug beat him and still came out to the village for a walk that evening and was determined to still ski the next day.
Our last day was the next day and we had organised to have Danny’s mum take care of Zeke while Danny and I finally go to ski our only day together during the whole two weeks.
We were up and getting ready, rushing, as we were running late. Jade had to be in ski school by 8.30am. There were six adults in that room to supervise one baby, you would have thought that would have been enough. NO…suddenly there was a scream from where Danny’s freshly laundered pants were drying in front of the fire. Zeke had burnt his fingers. Shortly three big blisters had formed on his finger tips and it was decided on a majority vote that I need to bundle him into a cab and take him to get checked out.
I arrived at the Medical Centre and my nerves were frayed to say the least, when the receptionist informed me of the $600 fee to take a look at his fingers I burst into tears, by this stage is was all too much. After being treated by a lovely doctor Zeke and I returned to the apartment where we proceeded to take photos of his bandaged fingers. We are still convinced that Zeke’s only reason for touching that fire was to meet the pretty lady doctor.
Danny and I made it onto the mountain after realising that the burns were now bothering us more than him, and had a wonderful day. We skied the Blackcomb Glacier blind..literally as we couldn’t see a thing for the snow and fog or tell how fast we were going because of the gusts of wind. And Danny spent time teaching me the Glen Plake method of skiing bumps.
We packed that night and the next morning we were travelling by Limo to the airport with Danny’s mum and dad. It is here that I must digress again and mentioned that I had reconfirmed our transfer the day before and was assured by the agent that they were all prepared with everything required to get six people with a truck load of luggage back to Vancouver…again WRONG. The Limo turned up with no trailer. A very flustered Limo driver kept ringing unknown people trying to work out what to do and looked very exasperated when I decided to take control and load his friggen Limo for him. No kidding I had to organise the packing and then the bugger had the hide the stick his nose up at a $30 tip and demand more!! I can’t believe Danny’s dad paid him $50 if I had known at the time that would not have happened.
We boarded the Alaskan Flight for a humorous flight back to LAX the attendants and pilots were very funny with their banter as we landed, they might want to start screening those guys for drugs. We found our way to one of the most un-classy shuttle bus transfer lounges you have ever seen. Again manned by year 5 drop outs, I was told by one happy cheery lady to ‘get over it’ when I asked ‘do we have to walk in the rain to get to the bus?’…Beearrcchhh!
So we get to the departure lounge and finally get a tired and screaming Zeke to sleep when our names are called. We have to leave our seats and recheck in for some reason. Now we have lost our seats and have to stand for the remainder of the time waiting to board.
Finally on board we have another passenger who doesn’t want to fly Qantas and again the search for his bags takes place. An hour later we take off.
Jade slept the whole way and Zeke spent the 14 hours sleeping sometimes but mostly wanting to stand, play, whinge, not eat, drink a little bit etc
We arrived in Sydney worn out but as usual with any OS trip, happy to be home. We sat our sweaty stinking selves down to wait another two hours for Danny’s mum and dads Air Canada flight to get in and in the meantime I treated passengers and staff of Sydney International Airport to one of Zeke’s stinky nappies…too bad!
I am home, I am jetlagged but I am happy in the knowledge that no holiday for me and the family will ever be as hard as this one was. I have great memories some I will chose to forget some I will remember forever and have the photos to prove it.
So will I do it again….Yep I am flying to the Sunshine Coast by myself in April, with both kids, for two weeks to wait for the birth of my nephew…am I an idiot you bet ya, but I wouldn’t swap my life for anything. I will grow old with stories to tell about travels afar and who knows; maybe once again people will hear these stories and listen with feelings of jealousy and admiration for those who venture outside their own world to explore what the rest of the world has to offer no matter how hard it seems at the time.
